#also i'm in the middle of a cancer scare and need to get a biopsy done immediately so things are amazing

[misterxsamsa]

I'm so fucking sick of being treated like shit by a community I joined explicitly to try and find comfort in something I enjoy. I'm so incredibly tired of feeling constantly anxious and paranoid, having people treat me fucking terribly, and then having to keep silent about it to avoid public conflict, or to not be associated with it forever, or to not be harrassed by people with much bigger followings than myself, or to not have it used as further ammo to send more shit my way. If you were around for the original mister-samsa, you might know exactly what I'm alluding to, but trust me, you don't know the depth of it, things got really fucking bad. I'm not going to act like people being catty and aggresive with me is on par with the worst I've experienced through Tumblr, but things get hard sometimes. I just want everybody to remember that there are people behind the screen here on this hellsite, and in this fandom about 75% of the people you'll be interacting with are probably severely mentally ill, so if you ever have a problem with anybody, just be normal. Send them an anon, a message, literally anything, engage in grounded conversation because nothing on Tumblr's that serious. [There's context under the cut, if you're interested.]

I basically reblogged someone's Jimmy post with some silly ramblings that got pretty disconnected from their original post, just because I felt inspired. It's 99% unchanged on my blog still, so you'll be able to see what I'm talking about. They got super fucking aggro in the replies, saying that I was twisting their words, and needed to delete the reply or people were going to think that my headcanons were shared by them, or represented the interpretations talked about in the original post, when their post was very different. It was weird? I don't think they realized that reblogs don't show up next to their original posts, and are shoved into the notes, but they didn't back down when multiple people pointed this out? Also, our posts were so differently legit nobody would think that. I was apologetic and nice at first, since I followed this person and genuinely did like the post. Hell, I even added a little edit to the original post stating that my words might not nessecarily reflect their views on Jimmy. However, I got pretty fed up the longer things dragged out. They wanted me to delete my reblog and put it into an original post, but I didn't want to reward the rude badgering after all that, and there's so many images it would've been a pain in the ass. When I wouldn't give in, they called their bigshot artist friend to tell me, and I quote, to take "pity" on them because of their mental health, after they spend MULTIPLE HOURS making me paranoid and stressed as fuck, like, yeah, okay. Dude, and everytime I'd be like: "Hey, i'm not doing this, there's nothing else for us to talk about, and it's not that serious" they'd accuse me of dragging things out just because I didn't want to do what this random guy, who was rude, was trying to pressure me into doing by stressing me the fuck out. Honestly, part of why I didn't want to just delete it, outside of principle, was because I wanted there to be proof of this guy's assholery in-case of anything, right? You can never be too carefui. That worry got multipled tenfold when their artist friend got involved, who I know for a fact all of you probably follow, and that's when I really truly started tweaking out. I mean, like, freaking out, getting stressed and anxious. Even as I got annoyed with this guy, I never crossed into being aggressive, maybe towards the artist, but not OP. When I pointed out my own mental health, and the fact that this guy was the instigator of the situation, not me, they basically just didn't aknowledge it, and continued to insist OP was the victim while provoking me again, and again, and again. My god, and then OP started guilt-tripping in the replies and talking about how he was a horrible person, like, it got embarassing and I'm just so tired. Dude, for all I know those guys are in every JTHM server blabbing about this nothingburger situation, and it's my word against theirs since I'm the schizophrenic, and the artist is extremely well-liked, and then OP deleted the post to try and scrub the replies [alongside everybody clowning on them, it got to 50-something notes]. I'm going to continue tweaking the fuck out unless I just say something, anything, even if nobody cares and nothing comes of it. It's not even like they got that artist friend involved because they became too distressed to reply, they continued to do so. If I didn't know any better I'd say it was an intimidation tactic, but I'm a paranoid schizo, so that that tinfoil hat anecdote with some salt. I'm just really not doing well right now, and this is just the cherry on top of it, I guess. There's nothing I can do except continue to be stressed about it, and maybe type here for catharsis.